i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
