you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
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