I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Randomize
