The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
