When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
