Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
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