yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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