i don't plan on having that self control this summer
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
