Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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