Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
