wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
