its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
