The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
