I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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