I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Say something about gay babies.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
