I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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