Please, let me fuck your mom
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
The dick lei will go down in squad history
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
