we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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