Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Randomize
