I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
