just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
