The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
