I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Dear god my vagina.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
