I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
