I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize