So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
