I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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