i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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