The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
