i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize