bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
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