i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
