I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
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