I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
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