Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Randomize
