I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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