I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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