32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
