I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
