woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
