There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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