he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
