Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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