Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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