We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
