i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Randomize