I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Randomize
