I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
