Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
