If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
