Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Randomize