Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
