sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
