I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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