I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
