Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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