i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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