guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Randomize
