i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
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