They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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