he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Randomize
