Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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