she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
