I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
