I want to make a zoo with you.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
