Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
