Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
